June 2012
May 2012
POI Fic: Disconnected
Theme: Disconnected
First lines: Reese stopped in front of the bookstore window out of habit, to scan for anyone following him. He was about to move on but something caught his eye. “Hey, it’s the book you’ve been looking-” He stopped himself in shock then with dread, turning his bronze tan a sickly grey. Since when did he gotten so used to believing that _he_ would always be at the other end of line that he would forget that he wasn’t there?
(Feel free to toss whatever out. ;)
Title: Disconnected
Fandom: Person of Interest
Spoiler Alert: All Season 1 Episodes up to (and including) Firewall.
Warnings/Rating: None/ G
AN: Well, here’s how it goes! I set the timer, close my eyes, and keep writing for45 minutes, without a beta. This is the result. May Finchy have mercy on us all. Especially since the laws of Grammar and I are not exactly on speaking terms at the moment.Credit, much love (and probably apologies for the results) go to the awesome kamitoki! Thank you for providing an awesome prompt and the first paragraph!
Awwww, so many feels Q__Q
The Harold Finch Manual
HAROLD FINCH: The Owner’s Guide and Maintenance Manual
You are now the proud owner of a FINCH unit! In order to achieve full use of your unit the reading of this manual is essential. Unless you wish to suffer from an extremely painful death of UNCOMFORTABLE SHOOTING.
You should also feel pleased to know that the proceeds from your purchase are used toward the goals of IRRELEVANT CORP., which is an restrictive organization that has made its goal to please all REESE and FINCH lovers alike.
Your FINCH unit should arrive fully assembled and in upright conditions. Please check that you have all his accessories (see list below).
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
Full Name: Harold Finch / Wren / Crow / Penguin / Peacock / Raven / Any-bird-name / Chirp
AKA: Harry, Uncle Harry, Harry Potter, That Guy Who Follows The Hobos, (Indian name) Boy Who Likes To Watch.
Porn Name: The Hard-Drive
Manufacturer: IRRELEVANT Corp,
Date of Production: Classified.
Age: That is IRRELEVANT.
Height: Short enough to be discreet, big enough for you to notice.
Weight: Irrelevantly healthy.
ACCESSORIES
Your FINCH unit comes with the following accessories. Please check off to make sure you have all necessary items:
One AMAZING SUIT.
One BIG ASS COLLECTION OF BOOKS.
One CELL PHONE TO HARASS PEOPLE WITH.
One ‘WHERE’S HAROLD’ BOOK
One CELL PHONE
Three BOXES SENCHA GREEN TEA (not an adult toy)
One PAIR OF GLASSES (also functions as an adult toy)
One MYSTERIOUS BACK-STORY
Replacement and additional items must be purchased through our website. We gladly accept credit, debit and REESE’S blackmail as payment. Anything goes as long as it’s REESE.
ACTIVATION
Your FINCH unit will arrive at your home in an unconscious state. PLEASE follow the correct procedure of activation or your FINCH unit will not function properly. Failure to follow instructions may have negative results. Worst case scenario: He will assume you are some weapon of mass destruction and become EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE with you. Unless that is a KINK OF INTEREST it is recommended to ATTEMPT to follow these METHODS OF ACTIVATION.
The FINCH unit has two METHODS of ACTIVATION. Please choose only one:
METHOD ONE:
(1). Remove him from his box (following the unwrapping instructions on box).
(2). Lay your unconscious unit flat on the floor.
(3). Sit or stand and wait for your FINCH unit to awaken.
(4). Your FINCH unit should awaken slowly, he may take a few moments to IDENTIFY with his SURROUNDINGS. During this time, we suggest you OBSERVE DAT ASS as he will be TOO DISTRACTED to be PARANOID about his REAR END.
(5). Eventually your FINCH unit will look at you. LOOK AWAY from THE BOOTY and wait for him to ask WHO you ARE.
(6) State who you are. Do NOT lie to the FINCH unit as he will now STEAL your computer and DOUBLE-CHECK any information given. This is yet ANOTHER TIME to CHECK DAT ASS OUT.
(7) Once your IDENTITY is confirmed, your FINCH unit will shake your hand and state his name.
(8) From here, you can start a CASUAL conversation with the FINCH unit.
NOTE: A conversation about DAT ASS is NOT CASUAL. Discussing DAT ASS immediately after ACTIVATION will result in SYSTEM OVERDRIVE.
METHOD TWO:
(1). Remove him from his box (following the unwrapping instructions on box).
(2). Place your FINCH unit in front of a COMPUTER.
(3). After a couple of moments, your FINCH unit will ACTIVATE and proceed to SEARCH THE NET.
(4). Although BOOTY-GAWKING is possible, we suggest you brew him a NICE CUP OF TEA.
(5) After brewing said TEA, place it in front of your FINCH unit.
(6) Your FINCH unit should be distracted by the TEA and will take a SIP of TEA.
(7) After this, your FINCH unit will allow short discussion in between REPROGRAMMING YOUR COMPUTER FOR A POST 9/11 SOCIETY.
MODES OF OPERATION
DEFAULT
PARANOID: Your FINCH unit is, needless to say, PARANOID AS FUCK. Upon activation he will constantly LOOK OVER HIS SHOULDER and believe that you are TRYING TO FIND OUT ABOUT THE MACHINE. Over time, however, the FINCH unit may start to trust you. But we at IRRELEVANT CORP. should warn you that the possibility of that TAKES A LOT OF TEA.
COMPUTER SMART: Your FINCH unit loves the INTERNET. Your computer crashed? No need for a COMPUTER-REPAIR-MAN-GUY-THING. Your FINCH unit will be perfectly CONTENT with working on YOUR MACHINE and may even be SEXUALLY SATED by it. However, this can be a DOUBLE-EDGED sword. If you have any SEXUAL FAN FICTIONS or EMBARRASSING FAN ART on your computer he WILL FIND IT.
GENIUS: The FINCH unit is clearly a GENIUS. Although sometimes his VAST knowledge is AGITATING it can also be EXTREMELY USEFUL. Need all your HOMEWORK done? FINCH CAN DO THAT. Need to ONE-UP your friends in MATHEMATICS? The FINCH unit will HELP you SHOW-OFF.
WELL-DRESSED : The FINCH unit loves to DRESS-WELL. Although SEEMINGLY OBLIVIOUS to the power of DAT ASS he will demand that you buy him EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE SUITS. If PRICE becomes an issue, simply get your FINCH unit to BLACKMAIL some RICH PEOPLE.
WARNING! IRRELEVANT CORP. will NOT be liable to any jail time/lawsuits that may result from the BLACKMAIL function.
READER : Your FINCH unit LOVES to read. We suggest BUYING him a LIBRARY to keep his INTELLECTUAL NEEDS SATED. If you are EVER in the mood for a BEDTIME STORY then you have chosen the CORRECT UNIT.
BLIND AS A BAT :Although more of a PARTY game, your FINCH unit is as BLIND AS A BAT when you REMOVE HIS GLASSES. If you wish to see him RUN INTO OBJECTS BLINDLY, then this will be very AMUSING.
ACTIVATED UPON CERTAIN CONDITIONS
HIGH FINCH :As many would suspect, the FINCH unit is a RIOT when he PUFFS THE MAGIC DRAGON. ANY and ALL drugs are compatible with the FINCH unit. Fortunately for you, we have made him invincible to whatever ILLEGAL SUBSTANCE you give him. Need some HIGH BABBLING? Well CONGRATULATIONS - You are JUST IN TIME FOR DINAAAAHH.
HACKING THE PENTAGON : At TIMES this can be taken SEXUALLY. In this case, however, HACKING THE PENTAGON is simply code for FINCH’S HACKING SKILLS. If you leave your FINCH unit unattended for a LENGTHILY amount of time, he will begin to HACK into various sites JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT. It is actually QUITE AMUSING.
TRUST : HA-HA. You WISH.
BOYFRIEND : The FINCH unit can also FALL FOR YOU. Simply show an EXTREME interest in BOOKS or SURVEILLANCE and he will begin to have a CRUSH on you. While in CRUSH mode your FINCH unit will ATTEMPT to PLEASE you through SPYING on you. DO NOT be afraid when you see the SHOWER CAMERA. That’s just his way of saying ‘YOU LOOK NICE TODAY’. AFTER about TWO WEEKS of STALKING your FINCH unit will finally ASK YOU OUT. You will be on stake-out dates in NO TIME.
SPECIAL
SHIMMY : The FINCH unit cannot DANCE LIKE HE USED TO. HOWEVER, he can SHIMMY DAT ASS. Simply place a SICK MUSIC TRACK in your CD PLAYER and your FINCH unit will be GRINDING ALL UP ON THAT DANCE FLOOR.
CLEANING AND GENERAL CARE
Your FINCH unit requires extra effort to keep it in good condition. To keep him happy, healthy and clean please perform the following on a daily basis:
(1). Daily Involved Grooming. Your FINCH unit requires quite a bit of UPKEEP. BUY him EXPENSIVE clothes and he will LOVE you FOREVER.
(2) Food. The FINCH unit refuses to eat PROCESSED foods. So if you wish for him NOT to STARVE we suggest buying some SENCHA GREEN TEA and any ORGANIC FOODS.
(3). Exercise. Your FINCH unit does not like to run. HOWEVER, he DOES like to do PUSH-UPS. We suggest buying him a mat to do said PUSH-UPS on.
(4). Sex. Although not the most physically fit being in the world. The FINCH unit still LIKES to GET SOME. Please comply with these needs.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q: My Finch unit keeps on wanting to run off with me to the island!
A: We think you may have gotten the BEN unit. If so, please RETURN HIM IMMEDIATELY.
Q: He just said his name is Finch though…
A: In case you forgot, the BEN unit has a specific default mode - LYING BASTARD.
Q: Now he says we have to go find Jack!
A: …Okay, you know what? PLOT TWIST - The FINCH unit is actually BENJAMIN LINUS and the REESE unit is JACK. YOU HAVE TO GO BACK.
Q : Hey uh my Finch unit isn’t having Role-play sex with me…
A: …Jinni, I SWEAR to CAVIEZUS if you are trying to have sex with him while ROLE-PLAYING as FINCH…
Q: I don’t know who the hell this Jinni is - I’m Benjamin Linus!
A: …GOOD LUCK with that.
Q: My FINCH unit is refusing to read TWILIGHT to me.
A: It specifically states that he reads LITERATURE. Not POPCORN FICTION.
Q: HELP! My Reese unit has taken my Finch unit hostage and he says he will never let him go!
A: Hand your REESE unit a microphone and allow him to use his STAND UP COMEDY function on the FINCH unit. Eventually the FINCH unit will run away back to you.
OMG, I can’t stop laughing XD
Hey girl! was wondering if you were the lovely lady who got to ask the question of the panel @ Paleyfest??? If not, do you know who that was? I would like to use a part of the vid in a fan vid I'm making but wanted to ask permission first.... :)
I was there, but I wasn’t the one that asked the question, it was stoppretendingthereisaplot aka, Ella. :)
Play
The John Reese Manual
(Note - I was inspired by a character manual set on Fanfiction.Net that including the LOST characters. This idea is genius. Seriously.)
JOHN REESE: The Owner’s Guide and Maintenance Manual
You are now the proud owner of a REESE unit! In order to achieve full use of your unit the reading of this manual is essential. Unless you wish to have a very painful death through KNEECAPPING.
You should also feel pleased to know that the proceeds from your purchase are used toward the goals of IRRELEVANT CORP., which is an restrictive organization that has made its goal to please all REESE and FINCH lovers alike.
Your REESE unit should arrive fully assembled and in upright conditions. Please check that you have all his accessories (see list below).
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
Full Name: John Reese(?)
AKA: Johnny, Dat Sexy Hobo, The Sexiest Thing Since Sex, Wonderboy, Hot Guy.
Porn Name: Reese’s Pieces
Manufacturer: IRRELEVANT Corp,
Date of Production: Classified.
Age: Old enough to have the most attractive abs, young enough to have the ass to match.
Height: 6’2”
Weight: Jeez, who do you think I am, his stalker?
ACCESSORIES
Your REESE unit comes with the following accessories. Please check off to make sure you have all necessary items:
One SEXY SUIT
Fifty-or-so HIDDEN GUNS
One GUN-THAT-ACTUALLY-APPLIES-TO-ITS-INNUENDO.
One CELL PHONE
One BIG-ASS-ROPE-FOR-ESCAPES (also functions as an adult toy)
One HUGE TUB OF HAIR GEL (not an adult toy)
One BUTTLOAD OF CHARACTER ANGST.
Replacement and additional items must be purchased through our website. We gladly accept credit, debit and REESE’S blackmail as payment. Anything goes as long as it’s REESE.
ACTIVATION
Your REESE unit will arrive at your home in an unconscious state. PLEASE follow the correct procedure of activation or your REESE unit will not function properly. Failure to follow instructions may have negative results. Worst case scenario: He may assume you are the MARK unit and start a lovely STAND-UP routine of BALD JOKES. You may think this is better than KNEECAPPING but…it ISN’T.
The REESE unit has two METHODS of ACTIVATION. Please choose only one:
METHOD ONE:
(1). Remove him from his box (following the unwrapping instructions on box).
(2). Lay your unconscious unit flat on the floor.
(3). Sit or stand and wait for your REESE unit to awaken.
(4). Eventually your REESE unit will awaken.
(5). Immediately your REESE unit will pin you to the ground and demand to know WHO THE HELL YOU ARE.
(6) At this point say WHO THE HELL YOU ARE and add the fact that your NUMBER came up and you are the VICTIM.
(7) The REESE unit will make it his goal to protect you from now on.
(8) He will NOT SUSPECT you are the PERPETRATOR. GOOD JOB, REESE.
METHOD TWO:
(1). Remove him from his box (following the unwrapping instructions on box).
(2). Place him in front of a PEPSI VENDING MACHINE.
(3). Order a PEPSI from the PEPSI VENDING MACHINE.
(4). The REESE unit will awaken to the sound of the PEPSI.
(5) Immediately the REESE unit will shoot the PEPSI along with the PEPSI VENDING MACHINE. Do not be scared - just let him do his job.
(6) After this, run up and EMBRACE the REESE unit. Claiming that he is now your HERO for saving you from the NASTY PEPSI MONSTER.
(7) Your REESE unit will be flattered by this attention and attempt to RELATE with you over this topic. Allow him…he just really needs to RELATE.
MODES OF OPERATION
DEFAULT
EX-CIA AGENT: Since the REESE unit has a work history of a certain physical calibre, he is well adapted to any physical labour. Is your neighbour being a CREEP? Tell your REESE unit and he will proceed to KNEECAP-THE-SHIT-OUT-OF-THEM.
SEXY AS HELL: Your REESE unit is a SEX BOMB. And thus, he likes to FLAUNT WHAT HE HAS GOT. He will demand to have the nicest suits (which can be bought from our site) and will always require his HAIR GEL. Allow him this - there is no knowing what will happen if the REESE unit runs out of HAIR GEL.
RELATABLE: The REESE unit LOVES to RELATE. Got a tough exam coming up? REESE can RELATE to that. Just went through a tough break-up? REESE can UNDERSTAND that. Found out that you’re pregnant and you have no clue who the father is? REESE RELATES. This makes the REESE unit great for pretty much any type of conversation. HE UNDERSTAND YOU!
ACTIVATED UPON CERTAIN CONDITIONS
STRIPPER: Although not exactly a MODE, you can get your REESE unit to strip through DOLLAR BILLS and A DANGEROUS AMOUNT OF ALCOHOL.
WARNING! If you own an INGRAM unit, KEEP HIM FAR AWAY from the REESE unit. His fascination with ONE DOLLAR BILLS and REESE can easily be FUSED TOGETHER.
LOVER: We at IRRELEVANT CORP. are not surprised that you have found the LOVER mode appealing. I mean IMAGINE the SEX with that man. Either way, the REESE unit makes a FANTASTIC lover. How does one ACTIVATE this mode? Well, by allowing REESE to RELATE to you, he will eventually find ROMANCE through this. Just give it a day or two…HE WILL FALL.
PURPOSE: If you have a FINCH unit (sold separately) and you think that your REESE unit seems a bit depressed you can easily GIVE HIM PURPOSE. How? SIMPLE. You place your REESE unit in front of your FINCH unit and he will easily CONVINCE the REESE unit to GET A DAMN JOB.
SPECIAL
STAND-UP COMEDIAN: For some reason, during the programming of the REESE unit, out initial unit found the joy of STAND-UP COMEDY. Hand your REESE unit a microphone and shove him on a stage and he will proceed to TALK ABOUT AIR-PLANE FOOD. I MEAN WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THAT STUFF?
BEWARE! The STAND-UP COMEDY is terrible. NO. SERIOUSLY. Keep him AWAY from COMEDY CLUBS.
CLEANING AND GENERAL CARE
Your REESE unit requires extra effort to keep it in good condition. To keep him happy, healthy and clean please perform the following on a daily basis:
(1). Daily Involved Grooming. Since your REESE unit has the SEX BOMB mode as a DEFAULT, he clearly requires grooming. Buy him a TUB OF HAIR GEL PER WEEK and LOADS OF EXPENSIVE SUITS and he SHOULD be okay.
(2) Food. Your REESE unit will pretty much eat ANYTHING. HOWEVER, he will REFUSE to drink PEPSI. If you give him a PEPSI he will proceed to SHOOT THE HELL OUT OF IT.
(3). Exercise. Your REESE unit does not need a gym membership. HOWEVER, if he is out for a few hours and comes back with a BLOODSTAINED SUIT, then he has clearly GOTTEN A WORK OUT.
(4). Sex. He likes that. He likes that A LOT. GO FOR IT.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q: Hey something’s wrong here, buddy. My unit keeps on shooting my fridge!
A: Is there PEPSI in it? FUCK PEPSI.
Q: HELP! My unit thinks I’m working for Mark!
A: Ouch! That’s terrible. I suggest buying a TOUPEE
Q: I’M NOT BALD.
A: THEN YOU MUST BE MARK.
Q : My fellow Irrelevants have taken my Reese hostage.
A: SHARING is CARING.
Q: Are there any slash options on the Reese unit?
A: Of course! Put the REESE unit in a room with ANYONE and there will be SEX.
Q: Hey my Reese unit isn’t putting out enough.
A: LIZ? IS THAT YOU, LIZ?
Q: My Ingram unit found out about my Reese unit’s stripping habits and they’ve run off together!
A: Get your FINCH unit to track them down. He may need to SLAP A BITCH.
OMG LOL!!!!!!
And a thousand hearts broke. | Jim Caviezel in Angel Eyes (2001)
Hmph, I don’t like you no more QAQ
*pets* You’ll like me again when I make a smirking Reese gif set ;D
Hmph, I’ll make you like me first by releasing all the 胸膛君 what?
And a thousand hearts broke. | Jim Caviezel in Angel Eyes (2001)
Hmph, I don’t like you no more QAQ
How I tell people about POI
Pardon the crap quality. I couldn’t find a better source.
LOL, no, this is what goes on inside, on the outside I’m cool and composed XD
